Then vs. Now-9/9/15

       As I sit here pondering on life and indulge myself in self-reflection, I wonder……then vs. now. How have I changed from the past to the present, and why? Changes are natural and growing into yourself is a good thing, but I must wonder just how much of myself from years ago remains in the person I am today. I am different in so many ways, from the big things, to little details.

       To begin, I’ll start small and mention cars. From the time I was very little to this day, a Corvette has been, and always will be, my dream car and a goal. But, as for a regular everyday vehicle, I remember a time when I would giddily say “a slug bug!” Now, if asked, I would inform you that I don’t care for Volkswagen Beetles one bit. I think they are aesthetically unappealing and size, shape, power, etc. doesn’t fit my taste in cars at all. But, there is more than just the car. Take my favorite color for example. It has morphed over the years, but I remember a time it was unequivocally pink, and remained for quite some time. Then it became phases of combinations such as: pink and black, pink and grey, grey and white, pink, black and white, and black and grey. Now, I can assuredly say that though some frustratingly argue it’s not even a color, black is definitely my favorite color and I don’t see that changing. Valentine’s Day used to be my favorite holiday, and now I couldn’t care less about it. So, many materialistic things have changed. To this day, I have stood by my refusal to let neither turtlenecks nor overalls touch my body, and both were items I wore on more than a couple occasions during my childhood.

       However, what stands out much more to me are the non-materialistic changes. I am bitter, jaded, and insatiably pessimistic about many aspects of love. Whether this was due to the broken sense of love I saw at times growing up, or my own personal experience, I’m not sure.  I am much quicker to anger than I was as a carefree little girl. I used to giggle and play, and now I feel as though I am drowning in stress, worry, and problems, all while shakily trying to assert myself into the world of adulthood. Sometimes I look back with a sense of melancholy and sentimentalism when I remember the little girl that once was. She had a toothy grin and eyes filled with hope and wonder. She was blissfully unaware of the world’s cruelty and was beautifully innocent. She was happy, carefree, and unconditionally loving. She had hope of things yet to come and laughed without worry clouding her mind. She played, and knew true happiness. She loved herself and loved the world. I miss that little girl.